A very well known international dog trainer (actor) says it is “Calm Submissive”, another trainer suggests on her website that her training will make your dog “Calm and Obedient” . Is this what we really want?
Calm, well sure! Calm is good! Calm is relaxed, happy, and comfortable. I like to be calm, I like my dogs to be calm, I have no issues with helping dogs achieve calmness.
But what about submissive… or obedient. Ok well, submissive is handy, if not a little master/servant oriented. It is similar to obedient in that the connotation is that the dog will do whatever you ask whenever you ask it no matter what. You know what that also describes? Pretty much any machine in my house. My computer (most of the time), my TV, my dishwasher. They all do whatever I tell them to, no questions, no argument, no offering of better suggestions- Excuse me ma’am but I think you wanted to use HOT water on that lode of towels.
Submissive /Obedient does NOT describe; children, anyone I have ever worked with, lions, bears or dogs.
“Dogs?!”you say! that’s right, dogs are NOT naturally submissive, obedient animals anymore than your Mother–in-Law is. They are living, thinking (sometimes not so much), changing, beings with OPINIONS and with QUESTIONS. You know when your dog sees something interesting… like another dog. The first thing he does is look at that dog, then flash back to look at you, to look you right in the eye, then back to the other dog again, then back to you. In fact he may keep this up until the other dog is completely out of site. This is an example of your dog having an opinion and asking you a question. “ I want to go see that other dog, would you let me off this leash so I can see that other dog…why aren’t you letting me off… PLEEEEEEAAASE I want to sniff that dog over there, don’t you see it?! are you blind? there’s a dog right THERE!” I am sure there are a few of you out there that can relate.
My point is, in order to MAKE a dog be truly submissive and obedient, you would have to be on top of them day in and day out, micro-manage every facet of their lives. That sounds exhausting. Is it worth it?
My dogs are calm (about 90% of the time), they are submissive, in that they don’t try to steal my dinner and they wait politely for theirs’ in their crates. Obedient… well sure, if I ask them to do something that they have practiced doing, they do it. My dogs are allowed to pretty much do as they please (within reason), and my dogs are generally well behaved, I am not saying they never do anything I would rather they didn’t, they do. So does my Mother-in-Law, my friends, and people I work with.
My dogs don’t have to wait for me to go out the door before them. Most of the time their dinner time is before mine, and sometimes they sleep on the bed. So why aren’t they trying to take over the family (and then the world)? Well I’ll never truly know, because they can’t speak English. But if I were to hazard a guess it is because I offer them a stable, safe, and calm environment. I work with them regularly on manners and reinforce the behavior I like with lots of praise, treats and life rewards!
I have never wanted a submissive, obedient dog. I want dogs that come when called, play fetch, and cuddle, because they want to and I want to enjoy living with them too.
Hi! I love what you’ve written…it is exactly how I live with my dog, a nine year old Akita, that I got as a “free to good home” dog, when he was 3.
Sure, at first, I did have to micromanage him…he hadn’t been neutered, he’d been left alone for long stretches everyday, chained to a kennel, with a chained female mastiff for company.
Yes, he was a bit agro, a bit bored…but I soon grew him up. I had him neutered, I spent 24/7 time with him….I bonded, and let him learn what was acceptable, and what wasn’t….and you know what? I now have a dog exactly how you describe.
He does what he is asked 99.9 per cent of the time…he has a lot of freedom, he does sometimes sleep on my bed,but he knows his own place, guards my home, is gentle with children….and we work as a team. When walking, I let him take 10 mins to sniff that first post, to wee….to stop often and smell whatever it is he does. I have never raised my hand to him, and maybe once in a blue moon I need to shout.
We are that “calm/assertive” combination. He is allowed to be a dog, even when that might inconvenience my schedule….I love and value what he is.
He is not submissive, as much as I know I can command him to do stuff- he is more like the other member of my team. Because, I know how to read him, and what his boundaries are, and because I know better than to get him to perform “tricks” for no reason….he is a healthy dog.
That is an interesting point. You describe yourself as Calm/Assertive… that makes me wonder how I describe my own behavior around my dogs. I certainly try to maintain calmness, bu I don’t really see myself as particularly assertive. I supose I am assertive at times, although if someone where to ask me what my attitude around my dogs was, I doubt I would have come up with assertive. Maybe trustworthy? and that, of course comes from being consistent, which I do try to be. My dogs trust me to deal with situations for them, the trust me to know better than they do I think (most of the time) and I believe that trust has been earned. I am sure we all make mistakes, but perhaps they forgove me when I prove untrustworthy, on occassion. Still that doesn’t seem quite right. I supose I would have to go with Confident. Confidence is the one emotion I don’t always feel, but actually have to try for sometimes. When I am showing myself to my dogs, as Calm and Confident, they trust me.